Wishing

On Wishing

reprinted with the permission of Richard Lloyd

Star light, star bright,
first star I see tonight;
wish I may, wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight.

As human beings, we are each endowed with the same organic format and limitations, the result of being living, physical creatures who breath and eat and think. We take in food and air and sensations, we excrete behavior and we have an inner life. In this inner life are thoughts and desires; unspoken and even unconscious urges. What is the nature of wish? What is the meaning of this action within us which can be stronger than hope?  Where in our inner nature is the platform upon which we can examine the nature and meaning of wish, which seems so fleeting against the mundane world, and what happens in each of us as our ability to wish is tempered by the facts of material existence?

One may speak of dreams, of innermost desires; of the deepest longing of the heart; even when crushed by the weight and gravity of our ordinary existence these longings still have the power to renew us; to surge forgotten energies within us; to cause us once again to fall in love, not with any other person, or even with ourselves, but with an idea, with a hope of the unrealized potential within us. When we wish; when we truly come to recognize that within us as a wish (and not simply a made up desire or objective, but a surge towards a longing which lives an independent existence from us), then for that moment we open to a life which is ordinarily denied us, and we have access to a power that can organize us into wholeness, and which can move mountains on our behalf. Even if only for this reason and no other, we owe a debt to ourselves to go within and search for the meaning of wish.

All myths and fairy stories contain tantalizing remembrances that there is within us the hope of a primordial connection with one's wish and of the realization of one's destiny. Destiny; as opposed to fate; as opposed to conscious intent; destiny as the unfolding of the greatest of possibilities out of the unformed potentialities contained within a given life. This is why the image of the genie, the fairy godmother or the wizard are such profound symbols of how the deepest inner wish in a person can be independent of all of the actualized aspects of a person, for the true wish comes to us from an entirely other level. This also points to the reason why the true wish can never be mistaken with simple desire or objectives which may be self-realizable. The creative force always irrupts into consciousness from a level outside of it. This is why the wish has power at the same time that it is disregarded in ordinary life, because the wish can only await its actualization, and can never "do." This also means that one cannot influence the wish in any ordinary way. Yet wish is strongly differentiated from hope, which contains within its jurisdiction the element of happenstance, upon which we may rest our hope. Wish, on the other hand, does all, contains within itself all authority for what is to be, and yet "does" nothing.

What is the goal of wish? There are many levels upon which wishing may be said to reside. There is the wish blown upon thebirthday candle. The wish sent with a coin into the fountain. There are the teaching wishes granted by the Jinn, where the fallacious nature of desire is revealed by the foolhardy wishes of the recipient and where the last of the granted wishes is almost always a fervent plea to return to the state which existed before the wishes had been granted, but which can bring at the end a hard won maturity. There is a coin of wish, and all know that the spending of this coin can be foolish or wise. There are the unrealizable wishes, verging on fantasy, but which can still be perhaps amongst the wisest of purchases. For those who dare to wish to fly to the moon or to have secret powers of wisdom, perhaps the wish pays its dividends in unearthed energies and ideas leading to invention. At the very least, the fabulous and sweeping wish which is scarcely to be expected brings within it a delicious inner thrill, and it is a sad thing that so many have forgotten its delights.

As to the highest wish in a person, the "true wish" and its goal, this goal is much further and has a much more concrete form. All myths and fairy tales suggest that one can exert no influence whatsoever over the form of this wish (although one may "blunder" into the formation of the actualization of one's wish, when all of the normal avenues for the attainment of one's desires are paused, or disabled, and usually through the innate "goodness" of one's heart or essential nature -- which is the part closest to power in wishing). Power in wishing must be bestowed upon one, and not always by overtly beneficent forces. There is the tradition that bestowed power to wish is almost always a test, which not so much separates good from evil but that separates the innermost essential in one from everything else. Tradition holds that any wish other than one connected to the essential treasure of the heart (and which also moves one in the direction of one's hidden destiny) will be a wish that will bring a dismantling of elements within the self which are false. The false wish, when it comes true, brings decay which is objectively speaking healthy and true, like a pull upon the reins of the wayward horse. Only elements which do not belong to the true and essential self may be ruptured in this way. The Alchemical axiom is: "gold does not fear the fire," but for those upon whom this wish is bestowed, the event is one of a preternatural winnowing fire out of which none but the purest intention can emerge unscathed.

In the archetypal chakra system of Kundalini yoga there exist two minor chakras near the heart which are forbidden as objects of meditation. In English these chakras are named respectively 'the wish granting tree' and ' the seat of unutterable anguish.' These two chakras are considered to be sister and brother, and one may not be opened without opening the other. At the base of the wish granting tree is an altar upon which is placed the deepest wish of the self.  This wish is placed upon this altar prior to the birth. Any other wish placed upon this altar is considered a desecration and a rape of the sister by the brother. He then comes to the rescue of the sister and cuts down the tree, and if the chakra is opened duplicitously, the brother in his wrath opens and reveals the sacred conscience. In the hidden and apocryphal legends of Jesus it is said that both of these chakras in him were fully open, which is why he was said to be a man "well acquainted with sorrows." The idea in Buddhism of the bodhisattva or perfected being who remains on the earthly plane in order to support the salvation of others is also connected with these two chakras and their opening. When the chakra of the wish granting tree is opened and the Great Self receives its wish, it also receives the deep and penetrating realization of the plight and inner state of others via the brother. Of these two chakras, it is forbidden to say more.

Now, for those who have come to recognize their wish, the journey towards its fulfillment is an odyssey of epic proportions. Against this truth every man is the hero, set upon the seven voyages, or demanded to fulfill twelve tasks and to return with a proof not given lightly. Almost always mythical forces are set against this adventure; the dragons of the unconscious guarding the precious treasure. For one who is set out on such a quest, tradition allots years of search for guidance, and a journey of unimaginable distances through dark and dangerous places. One's own resources are never equal to the task, and therefore must come a search for tools with which to perform the tasks which are strewn against the intent, and which almost in every case cause the supplicant to detour, and to undertake Herculean tasks which on the surface seem to have no connection to the goal. Thus, one on such a mission seems to the outside observer perhaps to be headed in wrong direction, and even to seem the dolt or idiot. On top of this is the fact that these tasks are usually formulated to be well beyond the ken of the seeker and cut perpendicular to their strengths and abilities and requiring the assistance of magical elements and of a guiding guardianship. But the true seeker after his wish has in all cases magic in his pocket, a compass or lodestone which guides him unerringly towards his goal. All the rest move like lemmings convinced of their direction while the seeker after the true wish of the heart moves in a direction wholly opposite to expectations.

But in our world, legend and myth and fairy story are relegated to childhood , and so with wish. We ask our children to wish, but not ourselves. We remind each other to wish on the birthday candles but have forgotten why. We throw coins in the fountain but we do not mean it, and which of us would dream of wishing on a star in any seriousness? What has happened to us? Not only has our power to wish withered but even our recognition of its power.  We relegate wish to the purview of the naive. And yet we hear the words: "lest ye become as little children, ye shall in no wise see the kingdom" and do not take them to heart. Are these words of fiction? While we consider that we live our lives in fact, richly or poorly, it may be that our lives pour out from underneath us. The idea of a study of the meaning of wish should be far from trivial; but we will have to walk backwards, working ourselves out of the disarray and complications we find ourselves in, {and return to simplicity in order to find it. In this place of simplicity we can again pick up the thread of wish and follow it home, to the land of make-believe, where anything is possible and where nothing yet has happened. Perchance we may then again find our forgotten true wish, and begin again.

Some time ago I took a survey asking various acquaintances what their ideas regarding wish had been when they were children and now, as adults. The wishes took many forms. Some came true and some did not. There seemed to be an intuitive inner understanding that a certain coin of wish is given to each of us to spend, and like the child in front of a selection of candy, we ponder our choices, we take aim with our hopes and at last, we let fly with our desire. Once having made our wish we wait, curious but certain of a power having been loosed and certain of a response from the universe. We can still do that. One person told me this: that when he was young he had been careful not to spend his wishes foolishly, but there came in time to him a wish that was simply stated, preposterous. Because the wish was an impossible one, he told me that he knew that he could make this wish without fear of spending his precious wish money. As he told me of his wish, the impossible wish of a child's heart, his face softened and his shoulders relaxed. His eyes began to twinkle and moisten and he began to laugh. As I saw this change come over him what I saw was this: that he became more himself and less the trappings of life. He became younger in fact before my eyes, years peeling away as he remembered, and I knew in my heart what I told him then, that the impossible had worked its magic. That the wish itself held the power he had been looking for, and that his wish had in fact, come true.

The English word wish is derived from the proto-IndoEuropean language root 'wen,' which translates as "to desire, to strive for." Closely related, and from the same root is the modern English word 'win,' to win. In old English the word wynn means pleasure, joy, and the old English word 'wenan' means to expect, imagine, think. The old English word for wish is actually wyscan. The origin and development of human language as a means of expression is deeply shrouded in mystery, and the study of the source and meanings of even a single letter can provide rich nourishment in the search for understanding, often offering multiple lateral avenues for exploration. The fact that sounds uttered by the human voice can convey density of meaning via metaphor, allegory and veiled allusion should rightly return us to a state of awe at the original mystical nature of our very existence. The word wish contains three basic sound components: 'W', 'ie' and 'sh'. Each of these phonemes can be examined individually into search for depths of meaning concealed within the compound sound group which makes up its word.

The 'W,' is a letter derived from 'V,' or 'U,' hence double 'U.' It comes from the Semitic 'vau,' meaning nail. The 'V' contains the idea of identity, of point, and the double 'U' connotes the image of relationship, of I and you, or I and thou. Thus the words 'womb,' 'woman,' 'with.' In the quality of its sound is a wooing. A pulling, an asking, like the sound of a wind instrument, deep and vibratory (as against the 'K' or labial 'L' for instance). Thus the questioning words: 'who,' 'when,' 'why,' 'where,' 'what.' In its representation of the doubling of 'V,' we have the idea of twisting or turning back upon itself; bringing us the words 'weave,' 'whirl,' 'worry' and 'world.' One could continue and exploration of the hidden and primeval meanings of the 'W' sound in words like 'word,' 'wise,' 'wife,' 'warm,' etc.

The second letter in wish is the vowel 'I,' sounding 'ie.' This letter comes from the Semitic 'Yod,' meaning hand. The hand is the human tool for grasping; for making connections and the 'I' as a vowel sound form stands for a connectivity, the binding. It is the center vowel in the vowel series AEIOU. In this central position it embodies the idea of developing and maintaining a connective relationship. Consider the identification we have with the body and with the thinking which is represented by this letter as a personal pronoun. Also, the 'I' can serve as a balance between two ideas as a fulcrum and as a mechanism of joining, as in the suffix 'ing' and as the 'i' in semi circle.

Finally, the last two letters, 'S' and 'H' together make up one phoneme, 'sh.' The 'S' is derived from the Semitic 'shin,' which means tooth. It was originally pictured on its side, which can give the image of the teeth. It is used in this sense of the wave in the words 'snake,' 'shape,' 'smooth.' This consonant is generative, standing for the sexual power. For this reason adding an 's' at the end of a word plurals it, multiplying, as in 'senses,' 'eggs,' 'brains'. The "S' stands for the teeth, the instruments whereby food is taken into oneself, whereby the food is divided and possessed. It is hot and sensual as in 'hiss'. The 'H' is from the Hebrew 'cheth,' which stands for fence. This is like two 'I's connected, but enclosed. If is a frame which prevents the passing of energies. It is close in meaning to the numeral '8' stands for infinity when placed upon its side, because the energies on either side of it are made to circulate rather than dissipate. This 'H,' this fence at the end of 'wish,' helps to secure its power and serves as a kind of hermetic seal upon the word.